^“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

I have such a yearning in me to go and serve God. It’s scary really.

Let me share a story with you. It’s about a college-aged girl. She had many friends and many of those many friends were going on oversea mission trips. Her many friends came back from their trips and talked about how amazing it was and how God worked in so many wonderful ways. The girl thought this was awesome and was happy that her friends had such a neat experience. And this is what she said, not just to herself, but out loud….”I feel like God hasn’t called me to go out of the country to serve Him. There are so many people right here in the states that need Him and I feel like those are who He wants me to minister to.” So, with that being said, she continues to live out her life the way that she thinks she should live it. She finishes college, but starts another program. And all during that while she made sure to minister to the people around her since, therefore, these were the people that God laid on her heart to share His love with. Not necessarily. I’m not going to totally bash this girl. I know for a fact that she loves the Lord with all her heart and means well and tries to serve Him. Looking over the past year or two though, I don’t feel like she made it a priority to take her relationship with God one step further and share it with people around her. Because, she is right, by the way…there are so many people right here in the U.S., in the Southeast, in South Carolina, in the Upstate that need God’s love.

Well, that girl is me.

And that girl read a book 6 months ago that talked about the Great Commision (which I feel like has become more a the Great Ommision for most, because we see it as an option or for the “Evangelists”) and how it is a command. We are to make disciples of ALL nations, to ALL people, not just the ones in our comfort zone who we don’t really get past the surface with anyways.

Well, lately I have felt an unsettling of the heart. I don’t know what God’s plan for me is fully, but I know it is and can be great if I give Him control. I still wish I knew what it was though.

The unsettling of my heart, though, has been more of a discontent with life, people, and myself in general. I want God to be my number one. I want to yearn for Him. I want to be on fire to serve Him with my whole heart.

And here is the crazy thing that happened today (really, I think God has been working on my heart for awhile through small circumstances for “this girl” to get to this point)…

A friend of mine, a godly person that I admire, posted a link on fb regarding mission trips. So I clicked on it and clicked another link that was more geared toward my age group and the first one that caught my attention was an 11 month trip to 11 countries around the world. Here comes the crazy part…I got excited about the idea!!!!

I got excited as I thought about a chance to serve God in such an amazing way to so many people and the opportunity to get away from the distractions of petty life and focus on serving our Lord, the one true thing in life.

But I’m confused…I have this yearning but it also seems impossible with so many barriers.

-I’m just getting out of school and about to (hopefully if I get a job) start a new career (one that can’t really be stopped and started)

-I would be leaving family and friends for a very long time

-It costs $15,500

Ok, well I guess there are only 3 barriers, but they look pretty big to me! (Though I know that God is SO much bigger and those barriers are like a piece of pollen blowing in the wind)

So, what do I do??

Right now I am going to concentrate on finishing my program and seeing if any job oppotunities come about. All the while I will be praying for His will. For Him to point me in the right direction. To provide me with a job and to satisfy my yearning in some other form to keep me here in the states. Or, to have this yearning and unsettled feeling persist and open doors financially and etc to have this thing work out.

It’s very, very premature and it caught me off-guard that I would even consider it, but I decided to be real and share some of my heart with you tonight. Maybe I just needed to write about it and get it out of my system? So, if you read this and think about it, pray for His will to be done in my life.